Words to alleviate nervousness

Dear Mom,
Today I woke up and realized that I've been fooling myself all this time. I finally see that in order to be happy in life, I need to go back to church and get closer to God, find a good Christian woman to love, get married, have a couple of kids, and move back closer to you and Dad on the farm. HAHA just kidding, I'm still a big fag and love my hot, hung boyfriend.
I was up late last night smoking pot and drinking whiskey, talking trash with my buddies on IRC. I'm thinking of quitting my job and going to live on the road for the next couple of years, walking the earth like that guy in Kung Fu. After squatting in abandoned buildings across the cities of Europe and not bathing for months at time, I might phone you up (collect) from a gay bath house in Singapore or something to let you know I'm still okay. Or not. Of course, I'll probably just stay here in California and continue to waste away as my life goes nowhere. I heard on the street the other day that the price of heroin has dropped - I might give it a try, as I'm looking for a new habit. Well, gotta run! The dog threw up on the bed again, and I have to clean it up. Love, your atheist gay son.